• Physical activity - I couldn't do anything, I was just sitting all day and try to reduce as much to move my foot too much.  I was not able to go ski which is like something I look forward to every winter, no snowball fights, sledding, and so much more...
  
• fun activities - due to lack of physical activities, I just lost the ability to enjoy doing anything.  My ability to have fun anymore just didn't exist anymore
• quality time with friends - I was not able to go anywhere to visit friends or have dinner with them. Then I noticed after weeks, how far my friends are moving away from me because as days pass, so does memories/ time we could spend together pass.
  
• joy in life - you wouldn't think that not able to walk will affect your joy in life. But it greatly does. I was not able to walk outside to enjoy the sunlight, the fresh air, be in the first day of snow, etc. Instead, I was in my apartment or IST, no sun light, in front of a computer all the time, in my bed/chair, just letting my time tick away.
• ...this make me too depressed to think back...hah I think I am going to stop here.

Happy Lunar New Year!! <3

In Memories of Pokey July 8th - Oct 4th

  I haven't really been on xanga since beginning of summer.  But I just wanted to share with everyone my lovely hamster who had to leave the world today .  Well, not many people knew that I owned a hamster. 

So here it is the story of Pokey:
I decided to get an hamster during the Summer in Connecticut.  In the past that was never allowed to own one.  Therefore, I decided to buy myself one.  First, I was really interested in a Dwarf Hamster, but the lady said they are hard to tame and suggested a big hamster first.  Then, I discovered my lovely baby.  A BLACK EUROPEAN HAMSTER. She was soo cute, black haired and European just like her mommy (ME). how I came up with her name "Pokey" Well when i put her at her new home she went to each side of the glass and just slowly used her nose tapping on the window.  She was so cute.  Here is my beautiful baby, Pokey: 

She was really nice, on the first few days she was already used to me and allowed me to pick her up.  She was soo cute.  I always let her run her lil ball and she always run into the wall.  Every morning when I wake up I let her run around before she goes to bed. It is funny because wherever I go she follows.  There was one night when she was running in the living room while i was going to the bathroom.  When I came out and went to my room, she like ran real quick to come in with me =).  I always gave her treats for her love and cuteness. 

Well, I was really sad when I couldn't bring her to PennState because the Real Estate didn't allow and they always just come in.  I couldn't risk them catching me with her.  So I decided to let my dad take care of her.  He definitely did a good job.  She got really fat whenever I go visit hehe. 

Yesterday, my dad said she was still very energetic and ran all night long and still was eating and everything.  But in the morning, my dad found her sleeping outside her house.  He thought maybe it was just too hot but then my brother came down and was like "she is not moving, i think she is dead".  Well, my dad was picking her up, but her body wasn't stiff, it was limping.  For some reason, my dad put her in a towel under the sun. After an hour or so, he found her moving and crawing out. but still not able to open her eyes. He wrapped her again and gave her some water.  She actually opened her mouth but I think she couldn't drink though. but after a while she actually became stiff and that's when she really passed away

I read this on an article:

What are the symptoms of hibernation?

Many people remark that on first glance, the hamster appears dead. Looking closely, you will notice that it is still breathing, though not very strongly. The hamster will be very limp, as opposed to the stiffness that occurs soon after death. It will also be very cold to the touch. Check feet and noses and ears- places with less fur- and they will be quite icy.

What do I do if my hamster goes into hibernation?

Three things are key to bring a hamster out of hibernation- getting them warm, keeping them awake, and rehydration. Immediately bring the hamster into a warm room.

more... 

I am really sad that I couldn't really take care of her because I had to go to school.  I really liked her alot =( she was like my baby.  Even when I went home to visit, she still let me pick her up while she didn't really like my brother.  heh she bit him.  Awww, she still remembered my smell.  :( I will miss my baby

In Memories Of Pokey
July 8th - October 4th

She knows when her mommy is back

GOOD MORNING =D

She is eating but look she killed that piece of wood

Look at her HOT BUTT

heh "Pick me up"

I will never forget you Pokey!! <3

(Grand)mother's Day

I don’t think I ever celebrated “mother’s day”.  This year it is different.  My family went to visit my grandma’s grave.  I really tried not to cry but I just couldn’t help it.  My cousin asked me to stop crying it has been already a year…but I don’t think they understand my situation.  For me, it doesn’t feel like a year at all.

Every time I go home for breaks, I always visit my grandma.  It still hits me everytime I am back that I cannot visit her anymore   It has been only 4 times I’ve been back home, and everytime I miss her so much.  I just cannot accept the fact that she is not here anymore.  My family doesn’t grieve as much anymore because they have to face this fact everyday but I didn’t.  I face it every 3 months or so, and I still choose not to accept the truth.  

Today was my first time visiting her grave.  I wanted to tell her so much about school, my internships, and that I keep all the promises that I made to her.  I tried to talk to her but she wouldn’t respond back.  I miss her face, her voice whenever she is so proud of me, her smile whenever she is so happy to see me back, and all her lessons and stories she tells me all the time.  

I still remember her last smile when I visited her in the summer.  Even after all the pain, she was so happy to see me and waited for me to come back.  However, it was a shock to see her like that, I wasn’t able to talk to her at all...and now it is too late.  I don’t have my lovely grandma anymore, someone who is always proud of me, took care of me, worried about me, waited for me to come home, and just happy to be with me.  

Everyone PLEASE APPRECIATE EVERY SECOND you have with your family.  I lost already two loved ones, and all the things you want to do is not possible anymore including mother’s day.  I cannot celebrate “mother’s day” with my mom or granny.  But I will remember all the memories I had with them and still thank them for the great time and just make life so beautiful.  

I LOVE YOU, GRANDMA!!